A Night of Reflections
by angie9281
Summary: Unable to rest, Eric goes outside of his and Sookie's house only to find Pam, where the two are able to have a long overdue heart to heart, where they reflect on things of the past they have struggled to deal with and move on from.


Night had fallen and she was safely snug in the bed down in the cubby. For old time's sake, Sookie had wanted to relive their time together in the cubby, back when the Viking had been stricken with the curse that had led him suffer amnesia. Several nips from each other late along with some serious "snuggling", as Sookie had come to call their intimate time together, had led even the faerie-vamp to become very tired and had fallen asleep against his chest. As for Eric, he had stayed still, unable to rest easily, his mind racing with thoughts, memories and yes, the emotions that only she could have ever truly brought out of him.

Ascending the ladder from the cubby, the ancient vampire, clad only in black jeans, walked outside and stopped on the porch, standing still and looking up at the perfectly clear night sky, the moon and stars shining down over him. He descended the steps, walking aimlessly, passing the cemetery where the tombstone where Bill and his family rested. As he walked on, he cast a brief glance at where Bill once lived and Hoyt and Jessica now resided. Happily still, as far as he knew. And normally only caring about him and his own, he was actually glad that they had made it as a couple. So much had changed in a fairly brief amount of time. He was starting to head back to the farmhouse when a familiar voice called to him.

"She fall asleep on you? Was it your performance that wasn't up to snuff?" Pam smirked as she rose from the front steps of the porch. "I take it you bored her to sleep."

He couldn't; help but smirk. Very few people could get away with talking to him like this and he knew she had possessed such snark even form before they had met. "Funny." he said as the smile faded and he once more went to looking at the night sky, feeling at peace, yet not, with his mind racing as it was.

She looked at him with concern as she went and stood by him. "What is it?"

Looking over at her he seemed more concerned for what was going on with her. "Are you certain you are not angry at losing your position as queen?"

"I get to keep the house and all the clothes within. And I get to be with you all more. The new Authority decreed that there will be a Authority in each state and will continue having sheriffs within the areas, as usual. Effective immediately. Apparently they decided to evolve and felt monarchies were a little behind the times. And the main authority have chosen only the best sheriffs to become members of every state's Authority….is that what you were thinking about? Did they offer you a position as you are still sheriff of area 5?"

"I spent more time than I would like to admit to in the Authority. I did receive a letter asking me to accept a position in Louisiana's Authority. I refused. We can only hope they don't wind up with screw-up's installed." he replied with a annoyed look. "They can't do any worse than those Lilith worshipping fools."

"That would be hard to top." she agreed. "Then what is eating at you?"

"Nothing is eating at me. I was just…thinking."

"Thinking." she replied flatly.

"About the past few years. How things have changed. how we have changed. I see things so differently now than I did five years ago when I first met that girl in the white dress. Never thought, never imagined that she and I would…..I found humans to be so….basic. Simple. Beneath us."

"Well they are…..mostly." Pam agreed. "But if not for them, we wouldn't have survived or thrived…..and if humans never existed, then, neither would we…..they aren't the worst…exactly." she grudgingly had to admit.

"You have to admit, our lives have improved since we…evolved."

"You mean turned all gushy and love struck."

He arched his eyebrows at her comment but saw the mischief in her face. "I could say the same about you…I've not seen you as happy as you have been since Niall brought Tara back for you."

Narrowing her eyes at him, she said nothing for a moment but knew she could never hide anything from him, even with no longer being fully bonded to each other with his releasing her. Still, they knew each other inside and out and that could never change. "I ain't as gooey eyed as you are."

"Sure you aren't." he replied remembering the last time he had saw her and Tara together. He saw her happiness, their love., shining through her cool exterior. "But I know neither of us are exactly pushovers either."

"Nope. The blood we can still spill is what dreams are made of. I am itching for some maniac to come along so it can be like old times again. After all you dealt with in Faery with those rebels…..you did your ancestors proud."

"How could I not." he replied with that trademark smugness, that swagger that would never change about him. But the smile faded. "I have faced many challenges in my life and have triumphed over them all. I have been a terrible maker to Willa-"

"But you made up for it, letting her work at the office and the bar." Pam pointed out.

"I have made mistakes." he continued. "My arrogance and ego have caused me trouble and though I have changed, I wonder if it is enough to spare us of any further….trouble. Am I enough to keep my family alive and strong…and together."

Pam frowned. "You are doubting yourself."

He said nothing, not wanting to say the words directly, it would be like a bad taste in his mouth. "After all we have been through, do you believe we can handle another crisis? There is no doubt that so long as we live we will keep fighting those who would try to take us down or subdue us…among other things…but after what happened to the twins, their aging and being forced to live in Faery mostly….I feel I failed my family."

Pam felt for him at this moment, honestly and truly. She hadn't really thought about it before, being how she was. But realizing all the heartbreak, triumph and drama he had endured for ten centuries, it was a daunting thing, a burden. "As strong as you are and as long as you may ever live, you can't be perfect and do things right all the time. Look at all my screw ups…how I tried pushing away Tara…how I didn't give Nora a chance. How I treated Sookie. I learned from those mistakes and now we are family. If you keep blaming yourself for things in the past, you can not possibly enjoy life like I know you want to. Your twins are able to visit from time to time thanks to the gifts Niall gave them. Like the bracelet he gave you to day walk sometimes. Think about the alternative. The twins could be dead rather than alive in another realm."

He had to admit that was true. Things could have gone much worse. "I wonder if my mistakes will be forgiven, when the time comes that I am no longer around. I still wonder…am I damned?"

She was taken slightly aback. He had never led on to have any beliefs, religion wise anyway. Maybe she didn't know him as well as she thought she did. "What? You believe in heaven and hell?" she paused. "Valhalla?"

He looked at her with a stern expression, to which she knew it was best to lay off the snark. "I have since I was human. I always believed there was something more out there and believed it even more after….I lost my parents. Then I became jaded, ignoring my beliefs, stuffing them aside in order to avenge them and to embrace what I had become. It was not until my maker met the sun that began to think about the afterlife again. And seeing, hearing images of him that came to me, trying to coax me into doing the right thing….." he trailed off. "I would like to know if I have done enough to wind up with my family when all is said and done."

She didn't like the talk of his death. It bothered her, disturbed her. "You've not talked to Sookie of this, have you? Your fears about…death?"

"To a point. But never this intimately. I don't want to upset her with such talk, she's suffered enough by my actions in the past and even in the present."

Pam knew she had changed, had become somewhat more protective, slightly more gentle and though she would never admit it to anyone, she was kind of grateful for that, it had allowed her to enjoy her family more and appreciate what she had all the more. Not that she was not still queen bitch, if you will, but there was a softness deep within her that was coming out more often than it had ever done before. She supposed Sookie had something to do with that too. Maybe she would thank her for that. Someday. "Look, none of us are saints. Sookie. Nora. Bill. But you know what happened when he met the true death? He was judged worthy of heaven and he was allowed to join his family. After all the heinous things he did in his life. At least you never attacked Sookie. You never almost raped her or called her a abomination….I could go on but I came to like him…eventually. And I guess I am glad he got what he longed for. But you? You are even more deserving of finding peace. In anywhere that is….pleasant."

"So you don't believe I'd wind up in hell? Or somewhere worse, if possible?" he said with a look of innocence that almost broke even Pam's heart.

"I think you will find salvation….heaven or whatever it is you believe in." Pam replied with tears in her eyes, unable to not be moved by the way this discussion had made her feel. Try as she might, she was failing to maintain her abrasive persona and fell into his arms and hugged him. "But you had damn well better not be planning on leaving me….us anytime soon."

"Nah…I don't plan on leaving anyone from being able to glimpse this." he grinned as he stood, gesturing to himself grandly. Yep, there was that swagger again. He cocked his head as he heard the same faint noise no human could have heard.

"She's waking up….you'd better go. can't have her worrying about losing track of you." Pam gave him a playful tap on the cheek before smirking and flying off into the night. Feeling freed from his troubled thoughts, he managed to smile after his long time companion before racing upstairs to where he would find the one who had led him to this perfect place in his long life.

 **The End**


End file.
